I have begun training for a 5K. Our team – Tutu Fabulous – is doing The Color Run in September and I could not be more excited. Unfortunately I have discovered (well, rediscovered) a trying malady that renders running difficult. It’s called Runner’s Trots. Basically it means when I run I have to poop. Like immediately. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Go directly to the potty.
This has been extremely problematic. For starters, I’m training with a friend. Every time I have to stop and go to the restroom, she has to put her workout on hold too. This was happening AT LEAST twice per workout and it’s only a 30-minute training session. (She was very gracious and also found the whole thing hilarious, but still.)
I was terrified that I wouldn’t make it through the 5K. I could picture myself literally having to stop at a different business every 5 minutes and beg to use the restroom. “This is not a drill people!” I would have to yell. “I need a toilet! STAT!” I could even hear myself threatening them if told toilets were only for paying customers, “I will poop on your floor!”
But then something amazing happened last week. I got diarrhea! With all this healthy eating and exercise, my body got confused. Which was GREAT! Silver lining – I made it through an entire training session without having to sprint to the women’s locker room. So of course I figured the best solution would be to simply acquire diarrhea the day of the race. But how? Should I lick a doorknob? Eat some questionable chicken? Play leftover roulette in the fridge?
Fortunately I don’t have to do any of those things. Today I triumphantly did a 35-minute training session without having to take my ease in Zion.
That’s right. Today, I didn’t poop.