I’m Falling For You

I started Monday morning by falling down the stairs with a baby in my arms. It was my own stupid fault for wearing socks on the most dangerous staircase in the world. Fortunately although she was terrified, Thalia was otherwise fine. I survived as well (as evidenced by my ability to type a blog post about it) with only minor dings and one heck of a bruise on my arm.

We headed to the airport, about an hour away. Of course our plan to have the kids fall asleep went exactly as expected, which means they stayed awake the entire time. Luckily the drive itself was fairly uneventful, a good thing on icy mountain passes in the dark. We arrived at the airport in plenty of time. Keith checked in and then we sat around enjoying our last few minutes as a family. None of us were as talkative as usual, except Justus who gave a month’s worth of hugs to his dad.

Finally Keith had to go through security. We left my parents with the diaper bag and walked him to the checkpoint. Lots of hugs, a little bit of crying, and one very confused exchange with Justus about who was actually flying on the airplane later, Keith was gone and the separation had begun.

To comfort myself, I made my parents take me to breakfast (because Monday was the day for eating all the feelings. Oh who am I kidding. The entire month of November was for eating all the feelings.) Then we headed off to do the grocery shopping. I left the kids in the car with their Babs, zipped in and out of Albertson’s, and bit it in the parking lot next to the car.

Yes, that’s right. I fell. Again.
Fortunately this time I wasn’t carrying a baby. I landed flat on my back, looking like some kind of deranged snowy starfish. And my bottom took the brunt of the fall so there were no injuries.

It was just a banner day.

That night I got Thalia down and then told Justus it was bedtime. He started screaming and thrashing and just acting every bit the toddler he is. Finally it clicked for me.
“Justus, it’s okay to be sad. I’m sad too. I miss Daddy.”
“Daddies.” *sniffle, sniffle*
“Listen, it’s okay to be sad. Or angry. Or upset. But it’s not okay to throw a fit. You still have to listen and obey. Okay?”
*sniffle* “K.”

After that bit of insight he calmed down and went to bed. It was the first time all day I cried.

5 thoughts on “I’m Falling For You”

  1. This separation process for some reason has been so much harder than when I deployed two years ago (maybe its the same for Leah). All I know is that I didn’t want to let go of Justus when he latched on around my neck that morning and I didn’t want the last moments with my wife and family before security to end.
    ***
    Thank you Cori and Levin for your words of comfort and encouragement.

  2. The second fall sounded rather comical since you didn’t get hurt 🙂 More importantly though- you did good Mama…not that crying isn’t ok, because I do it ALL THE TIME these days, but sounds like you did a great job of being the strong one for your lids and then good that you got a good cry out by yourself before bed 🙂

  3. In the words of Francis Schaeffer, “He is there, and He is not silent”.
    Life, tyrannically so urgent, says “Do all, be all, succeed at all, RIGHT NOW!!!”
    God says, “Be still, and know that I am God.”
    “Come away, my beloved, my dove…I am my beloved’s and she is mine. ”
    “In quietness and confidence shall be thy strength”
    “I lift up mine eyes to the hills; from whence comets my strength? My strength cometh from the Lord God, the Almighty, the Everlasting One. ”
    “And underneath are the Everlasting Arms”…

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